WHAT IS YOUR JOURNEY?
I’ve wanted to be a full time filmmaker for over 10 years now. I’ve acted, written, produced, directed and yet I still operate as if it’s only a hobby. I haven’t gained any traction. Why is that? I often think it’s because I haven’t put myself out there enough. I sit quietly at home, working on my projects but nobody really knows. As I’ve said before, making a movie isn’t enough. Nobody really cares.
I’ve tried to quit film several times now and I simply get pulled back in every time. I wanted to be done with it, I wanted to kill my dream. I often thought to myself, it’s just not in the cards for me. Passion simply isn’t enough.
I had an eye opening moment the other day that really impacted me. A small thought that planted a seed which has grown into me writing this blog to you now. A thought so compelling that it may very well change the course of my career. A thought that has brought ease to my mind. Lessened the pressure I put on myself to become a filmmaker, something that may not in fact be my journey.
THE WORLD WORKS FOR YOU, NOT AGAINST
I seem to be really enjoying this new path I’m on. With a goal to educate or inspire based on my unique experience, I’m able to be more impactful to people than I’ve ever been. The thought was, I will do this while also creating my art and making strides at becoming the next great filmmaker. But, the world works for us.
Trying to be more perceptive, more in the moment, the thought has occurred that maybe I’m NOW doing what I was meant to do. Maybe I’m not meant to be a great filmmaker. Maybe educating and inspiring is the journey I’m supposed to take. Maybe this is what everything has been leading to.
I’m not saying I CAN’T be a great filmmaker. Hard work pays off and with enough failure, I could certainly become great. But, would the juice be worth the squeeze? I might get to the top of the mountain and hate the view. I might reach my goal of becoming a full time filmmaker and have it feel like just another job.
The fact that I’m having so much fun educating and inspiring tells me that there is something here. I also have a passion for this. Maybe more than any film I’ve worked on. I finally feel like I have a purpose. I have direction in life. So if the world is working for me, I really just need to be open to listening when it speaks. It’s currently telling me that THIS is the most important thing to me, this is my purpose, this might be my journey.
I have no intention of quitting film. Hell, I’m a storyteller. Without a story, I wouldn’t know what to do. I love to create, have fun and make something special to share with those interested. I love to take an idea from my head and build it out, see it come to life on the page and on the screen. I love telling stories. But it may no longer be my primary goal.
To me the world has spoken and I’m trying to listen. I want to hear what it has to say. Perhaps, I’m not meant to be a filmmaker. Perhaps I’m supposed to educate and inspire instead. I don’t know, only time will tell.
I’m not saying, don’t chase your dreams. I’m not trying to change the trajectory of your career. If you want something bad enough, work hard and go fucking get it. I’m just trying to help plant the seed that was recently planted for me. Be open to the world when it speaks to you. Don’t be afraid to listen. You might be surprised at what you hear. You might find a new direction in life. You might find your true journey.